A Powerful Habit

A series of unrelated events happened last week. They drove home a beautiful point.
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Lately, I have been reading a book - Linchpin - by the renowned entrepreneur and author Seth Godin. In this book, he talks about linchpins - the persons who make themselves indispensable to the organization. One of the concepts that he expounds in this book is 'The powerful culture of gifts'.
In the olden days, society was organized into tribes. A gift was something that was given by a member of a tribe to another. In a tribe, everyone knew each other. Giving gifts increased the mutual connection and bond between each other. Once you give a gift to someone, it invariably came back to you in myriad of ways. However, gifts, by definition, are invaluable. They should not be considered in terms of money. The best gifts that you can give are those that cannot be returned or valued in terms of money. You may give the gift of kindness to someone or the gift of time or that of an invaluable help.
In a capitalist economy, things are different. Money, talks. Gifts have different connotations and repercussions.  If everything runs on concept of gifts and sharing, then, there would be no way to amass wealth. Hence, when traders emerged in the scene, the concept of gift took a backseat. Traders did not want to form a bond with the people with whom they do business. They wanted to maintain others at arm’s length so that they can demand money (along with their profit) for the goods they supply. Gifts were also used to manipulate and get unfair advantage. Slowly, this culture permeated through all strata of society and it has now come to such a state that whenever someone gives you a gift, you think what could be the ulterior motive of the person behind that act. Though giving gifts did not stop altogether, people considered the value of gifts they received from others so that they would also give a return gift for similar amount.
This thing was there in my mind for a few days.  In fact, I am also in the same boat. I tend to think twice before giving any gift to anyone. Truth to be told, I am actually very reluctant in receiving gifts as well. If someone gives me any gift, I think several times more on why the other people chose to gift me.
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Last Saturday, I went to my Toastmasters club. In the toastmasters meeting, we have several speakers who speak on various topics. Mr. Padmakumar, who is the present division governor, told us about a talk he listened to recently. The talk was delivered by Mr. Devdutt Patnaik, who is the Chief Belief Officer of Future group. I would like to share with you the gist of one of the key take-away.
In ancient times, people used to do homa (homam, or havan). Homa is a sacred pyre in which the yajaman (person who is organizing the homa) has to give different offerings to the fire. Offerings typically would be in form of Ghee, wood, etc. Whenever the yajaman would pour the offering in the fire, he says swaha. Once the homa is over, the pundits presiding over the agnihotra will say tathastu.
Symbolically, it means, for any endeavor, one has to offer something first before expecting any return. The best gift can be considered as offering yourself. And once it is over, the in return, the universe says tathastu - so be it - Let your wishes be fulfilled. Thus, unless we give a gift of ourselves, we cannot expect any reward. Padmakumar tied this beautifully to present day situations in our organizations. While working, we wants all our whims, fancies, salary and promotion expectations to be fulfilled, but we are not ready to give anything prior to that. We need to give our dedication, discipline, determination and hard work before expecting anything in return. He said, first we need to give a gift and then it will come back to us multiplied manifold.
Having read Mr Godin's idea of gift just a few days back, I instantly appreciated this idea.
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Back home on the next day, I was going through the blogs that I subscribe to on Google reader.
Joshua Becker maintains a very beautiful blog called Becoming Minimalist. Apart from the wonderful articles and stories on minimalism that he posts, every weekend he also posts assorted links from other bloggers.  Last weekend he had posted a link from a blog post by Allison Vesterfelt.  Allison in this post - A Surprising Way to Become More Generous – exhorts us to give, receive and give some more.
I went through the post. It was a lesson to me. I learnt that if you want to be more generous, if you want to give more to others, the first thing that you need to do is to accept graciously first.  It is like water flowing in a stream. If you stop the flow of water in the upstream, the flow will dry up in the downstream. I could identify myself and my behavior in that post.  It was as an eye-opener for me. My thoughts went back to the days when I stayed in a bachelor pad. I used to keep note of every single rupee I spent on common expenses and for others. I never liked to take anything from anybody and hence no one also liked to take anything from me as well. The reverse could also be true. But the fact was that I didn’t like to share.
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For the past few days I have been ruminating over these incidents. These disparate events over the last week have beautifully brought home the point of sharing. It was as if the world was conspiring to hammer this concept of gift down on me.  Thinking through, I realized that I need to be more generous in giving and more gracious in accepting. Gifting is really a powerful habit. That is how it should be. That is what I would strive for now.
Do let me know what your thoughts about giving and receiving gifts are.

19 comments:

  1. Nice article Braj but I believe in a policy of receive no gifts and give none. It keeps egos safe

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    1. Thanks for dropping by Vijay. In fact, I was in the same boat. But do you realise that the posts that you publish in your blog and the feedback/reviews that you give on different blogs are nothing but gifts that you give others! It is the gift of your time, attention and expertise.

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  2. wow Brajadulal, you know what im attending a friend's wedding tomorrow and i was just thinking whether to buy a gift or just go attend the function.. your post came as a savior which brought me out of confusion (especially the post by Allison was awesome. Yes, i read it just now).
    "one should be more generous in giving and more gracious in accepting"
    Good share :)

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Ashwin. Glad that you had some take-away from this post.

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  3. Thought provoking post. True today the give and take is slowly slipping away from our culture, we try to be truly self reliant.(Bonds either of community or family breaking away).But then today's gifts are more a token unless they mean something to the other person. So the thought that goes becomes more extensive.(excess consumerism, so you have to stand out) It was simple in earlier days when a gift was just a gift graciously and thankfully accepted.

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    1. Yes Sangita. The true spirit of give and take is slipping from our culture. And we do not have anyone else but us to blame. Thanks for stopping by, reading and appreciating this post. I consider this as a true gift. Thanks for that :)

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  4. Wonderful thoughts. Giving gifts is a wonderful exchange between people. And there are so many kinds of gifts. The gift of time, the gift of attention, the gift of appreciation. These mean so much more than things you can actually hold.

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    1. Yes, the best gifts are those that cannot be measured in terms of money. Unfortunately, in this world driven by consumerism, people do not appreciate them. Thanks Kalpana for stopping by. :)

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  5. Wonderful post! Your reply to Vijay Prabhu was an eye-opener for me - I didn't realize that the feedback/Comment I give can be a gift to someone. Sometimes, I read a wonderful post, but think that I have nothing more to contribute and leave without a comment. It is time to change - and here is my first gift of the day :)

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    1. Glad that the time you spent reading this post was well utilized and you had some positive take-away. Your comment inspire to me to write further. Thanks a lot!

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  6. Very nicely written, good thought,,

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  7. Hi Braja, good post. I now understand more elaborately what you meant in your comment in my blogpost, On Kindness. Kindness is also like a gift, it gets shared across, and comes back to us in a different form. I remember reading an essay somewhere on similar lines, involving a conductor whose feet gets stamped by passengers' boots.

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    1. Thanks for dropping by and sharing your views. I really appreciate it.

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  8. I love to gift and help people as I feel, the good you do comes back to you. I am though a little reluctant in receiving gifts. These lines stand out in your narration.

    "The best gift can be considered as offering yourself. And once it is over, the in return, the universe says tathastu"

    "The best gifts that you can give are those that cannot be returned or valued in terms of money."

    And I think even I need to do this, 'I need to be more generous in giving and more gracious in accepting.'

    Thanks for a wonderful read, btw, what is toastmasters club?

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    1. Thanks for your kind words,Saru. A toastmasters club promotes public speaking and leadership skills. It is part of Tosatmasters International. There are many clubs around the world. It is really a great place to hone your public speaking & leadership skills and develop a great network as well. You can google to know more about it.

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    2. Thank you, I would surely search. My husband would love to be a part of it. :)

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  9. Hi Braja,

    LIFE IS AN ECHO . The More You Give , the More You Receive.

    Regards,

    B.C.Hari Sankar

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    1. Hi Hari Sankar,
      You have really put in in wonderful words - Life is an echo! Thanks for dropping by.
      Regards..Braja

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